It is strange you know. The way things go around and around. I have enjoyed being Mr Blogs wife. Enjoyed it alot. Being a wife and mother is one of those things that one just has to do or be to understand at all. It is amazing having a dream to work toward; so many dreams but none of them for yourself. A very dangerous thing is that, dreaming and working towards those dreams, paying the price giving all it takes, all of your life - for others.
It's an easy thing to fall into. Especially for us mums. It happen to husbands and dads too, actually I know it does, I've seen it and it frightens me.
There is a time of contemplation that drifts in to you. One day you wake up and there it is; it drifted into your mind and filled every part of it with questions, restlessness, hurt or sadness (it's like a mourning type deepness) and such confusion. The pain is relentless and makes no logical sense. There is no reason for it. None at all yet, here it is and for so long it taunts.
The irritable anger that is always on the surface. Like a nerve that's exposed and just the brushing of the air sends volts to the mind as lightening. The rage that happens the hurt and sadness, for absolutely no reason.
Every thing seems so confusing, and confidence in anything and everything is shaken or robbed from you. So you just stay very still, you don't dare move cause you just don't know what's real anymore. So you hold your breath and watch the strange circus like world as it spins around and around.
But the worst of all is the lonliness. There is no reason for it but it is very much there. Surrounded by an ocean teaming with people and loving lives that are interconnected and yet... such a deep dreadful lonliness...

What is there to understand anyway? ~ Mrs Blog